Virginia, Summer, 1964

Human beings are variables. Failure to grasp this fact is the major failing of all Utopian visions regardless of their provenance, for such fantasies assume humanity can be controlled, made predictable, guided.

Case in point: Four whores from New Orleans should find no haven in a small Virginia town, yet this is precisely what we have found. The doctor is as good as his word- nobody asks and he volunteers nothing, stopping by daily to check on you and pump us all full of penicillin “just on general principle.” Buck Carlyle stops by every day, sometimes twice a day, just to check on you- his chivalric impulse in full control now.

The first two days are horrible as you slip in and out of delirium, the three of us having to pin you down when you lashed out, but the valium Dr. O’Malley left for you relieves the worst of it and by the third morning you are calm and lucid. Neff and Aiko are better as well, the knowledge we are not being sought by the police and your recovery easing the fear they have carried inside. We are all of us keeping true to each other, true to the need to leave the streets behind.

Once you are feeling better I have to turn my efforts to the breaking of bad habits. Our new surroundings are helpful for they are alien to you and the others. Aiko in particular seems to slip into this new reality effortlessly, cultivating a sense of reserved dignity in stark contrast to the excitable, fidgeting creature who sold herself on a New Orleans street corner. Having left the surreal horror of New Orleans behind, she has found her inner self and is amazed.

Neff, always the calm one of the three, now seems lost and forlorn. Things have changed too suddenly, her world now turned on its head. New Orleans was terrible, but there was a certainty to it, a familiarity that makes such things seem almost comfortable. Freedom is something she is not prepared for, not yet. There is time now, time to heal all manner of hurts until she feels the firmness of the world beneath her feet.

And you, as days become weeks you unfold like a flower. The drugs are gone from your body, but their hold upon your soul is far more difficult to sunder. More difficult, but not impossible: like being born you emerge from the darkness and begin to perceive the world around you with a clarity that grows deeper and more complete with every passing day. The cold bitterness of your past still churns inside you, those wounds will leave their marks forever, but there are moments when the girl overwhelms the pain, and those come more frequently every day.

So many good things, and yet the past years cannot be set aside so easily. Buck’s attentions to you, so well-meant, set you on edge. You are afraid to offend him and afraid to be alone with him. Neff and Aiko naturally seek to protect you, but none of you know how to behave around men who give you a choice. The results are sometimes comical, but also problematic. As we reach the end of a month here there is no choice but to move on.

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Confrontation

?Angie!?

I was moving even before Aiko?s panicked shriek died in the air and the deputy was right behind me. We found Dalene stretched out on her back in the doorway to the bedroom, her head cradled in Neff?s lap as she twitched and gagged, foam drooling from the corner of her mouth.

I froze, staring at her as Neff looked up at me with terror in her eyes, Aiko standing over both of them with her hands twisted in her hair and tears streaming down her face. In that moment there was nothing but paralyzing fear- had I made a mistake? I expected withdrawal, expected it to be very unpleasant, but this bad, this suddenly?

The Deputy swore a quiet oath and gently yet firmly guided me to one side as he brushed past me to kneel beside her.

?Turn her head, girl,? he said to Neff, ?don?t need her choking. Miss Angie, you dial zero on the phone there and ask for an ambulance. Tell ?em Buck Carlyle is here.?

Ambulance? Disaster. I had to stop it, had to deflect his concern, take control of this, think of something?

?She?s epileptic? falling sickness,? I heard myself saying even as the story formed in my mind, ?She doesn?t need an ambulance. Aiko, go out to the Coke machine and get a bottle- we need to stir out the bubbles so she can sip it. We need to get her onto the bed.?

I spoke with authority and the Deputy looked at me, uncertainty writ on his face.

?It?s happened before, but not in a few months. I think being sick and on the road like this? I?ll get her legs.?

The three of us lifted Dalene onto the bed, and I saw the relieved look on Neff?s face. Neither she nor Aiko had batted an eyelash when I spun my tale- lying to the police had been a given in their lives for so very long.

?I don?t know, miss?? the Deputy sighed, shaking his head.

?She?ll be fine, Deputy, honest.? I was being as earnest as I knew how, but to no avail. He could not just leave her in our care and walk away.

?Call me Buck, everybody else does. Tell you what: I?ll put a call into Doc O?Malley, have him stop by and take a look. Just to be safe.?

There was no way to talk him out of it so I smiled and said that would be very kind of him. Chances were good a town doctor would not recognize what was really happening. He waited while we got Dalene settled into bed, just making certain she really was doing better, then I walked with him to his car, trying to reassure him with my words and manner. I mostly succeeded, but he was still going to make the call, and as I returned to our room my thoughts were focused on Dalene and how to deal with the doctor.

?Why no hospital?? Neff demanded, both fear and accusation in her voice. ?We took her before- you know this. She nearly died!? She punctuated that last with a long finger jabbed against my chest.

?It?s not the same thing,? I tried to reassure her, ?that time she?d been drinking and using. This? this is because she hasn?t got anymore. We can get her through this, I promise.?

?You promise? I saw your face! I saw how scared you were!? She turned and looked into the bedroom, looking at Dalene as she lay curled on the bed, rocking gently back and forth, sobbing quietly as Aiko tried to soothe her.

?You are never scared, Angie. Nothing frightens you, but this does. Admit it.?

I nodded, after all it was true enough. ?I?m worried,? I told her, ?I?m familiar with this kind of thing, but? she?s going downhill so fast. Listen, there is a doctor coming to check on her. If he says she needs to go to a hospital, she goes, but you have to understand- it?s been three days since Jacques and the others were killed. The police will notice we disappeared; they may even be looking for us. The less attention we bring to ourselves the better.?

Her eyes narrowed and it did not require any skill to know what she was thinking.

?So you are protecting us, and not just yourself??

?I didn?t murder those people, Neff. If I had I would have told you and let you decide whether to come with me or stay in New Orleans. Would you have stayed??

?No. Dalene would follow you anywhere, and we would go with her, you know that.?

I could tell that upset her, the notion that her friend might abandon her and Aiko had I asked her to. I was not so certain that was true, but I would never have put any of them in that position. They had survived nearly three years under Jacques? brutal care by holding tightly to each other. Those are the kinds of bonds that should never be sundered.

?I would never ask her to leave you. Never.?

?Angie?? Aiko called from the bedroom. Neff and I both went in and found Dalene still curled into a ball, rocking and trembling. ?She can?t sit still, she won?t drink any of this,? she held up a small cup of flat soda, ?I?m not sure she can even hear me sometimes.?

?I hear you,? Dalene whispered between clenched teeth.

I sat on the bed beside her and laid my hand on her shoulder. She flinched, like the touch was a shock to her system, then pulled away.

?Day, baby, we need to get you out of your clothes and into something more comfortable.?

?Leave me alone,? she moaned.

?We can?t, honey. I know it?s hard, but you have to let us do this.?

It took all three of us the better part of an hour to coax her out of her clothes and get her into a set of flannel pajamas. She was extremely sensitive to being touched, she said it was like she had sunburn everywhere, but the softer material was easier for her to tolerate once we had her dressed. We even managed to get her to drink some soda and it seemed she was at least handling it better even if she did not actually feel any better.

The doctor arrived shortly after we finished. He was an older man, with the bearing of a military veteran and a south Boston accent that was wildly out of place in this small southern town. Dr. Brian O?Malley was a fifty-odd year old who got his start in medicine as a Navy medic in the Pacific campaigns of World War II, as one of the corpsmen who went ashore with the Marines into the teeth of Japanese defenders. These were things I learned later, but when he first showed up all I knew was I would have a hard time convincing him Dalene had the flu.

His face was round and a bit doughy, but he stood straight and moved with the ease and grace of a man half his age. While he was a little gruff, he was not unfriendly as he asked about what had happened. He seemed to take my explanation in stride, but I could tell he was making mental notes about certain things. I did not lie to him, not explicitly, but it was clearly hopeless and as he briefly examined Dalene I saw his demeanor go from curious, to suspicious to disappointed.

?How long has she been using? And how often??

He was checking her arms, looking for needle marks, when Neff spoke up.

?Two years, just about every day for the last year.?

?Well she?s damned good with a needle; there?s hardly any scarring. Morphine? Or is it heroin??

?Heroin,? I replied. ?She ran out this morning??

Dalene jerked her arm away and curled up around herself in the center of the bed, moaning quietly while Dr. O?Malley turned his gaze first on me, then on Neff and Aiko.

?Prostitutes?? He spoke it as a question, but did not wait for an answer, instead motioning Aiko to take a seat on the bed. She looked at me and I nodded.

?Not anymore,? I told him, but he ignored me as he started examining Aiko.

He did not speak again except to give instructions as he gave each of us a very thorough physical. Dr. O?Malley was meticulous, and polite, but it was clear he was very angry about the situation in general, and with me in particular and when he finished cleaning up he pointed at me then at the door.

?Just so I can be sure- she?s not epileptic.? His pale grey eyes were very hard as he tried to stare me down, but I held my ground.

?No, she?s not. I couldn?t let Deputy Carlyle call an ambulance and it was the first thing I could think of.?

?Tell me everything- what you?ve been up to, how you got here. Don?t leave anything out.?

We were standing in front of the hotel room and I wanted to move off from the building for more privacy, but he refused to move, so I told him most of the truth about what happened three days before, leaving out my little visit to Jacques?s office and the bag full of money in the trunk of the car. He took it all in and I could see the conflict within him as he sorted through it all. In the end he reached a reluctant conclusion.

?Missy, if I tell the Sheriff all this it?s anybody?s guess if he?ll toss you in jail and call the Louisiana State Patrol, or just escort you to the county line. That black girl seems pretty steady, but that little Jap is a wreck- she starts falling apart there?ll be all sorts of crap coming down.?

?I can take care of Aiko. She?s scared, that?s all. Like I told the Deputy- once Dalene can travel we?ll be on our way.?

I was trying to turn down the intensity between us, but the doctor was seething, his face ruddy with his anger even as he kept his voice quiet and even.

?I don?t take well to liars, missy, and you?ve been spinnin? a tale almost since the moment you got here. Can you tell me why I should go back into town and lie to my best friend about what?s going on here??

I realized immediately he was talking about the Sheriff. Perhaps they were even war buddies- that might help explain a man from Southie in a small Virginia town. There was no way for me to be certain of it, but it felt right and I knew I could not ask him to lie for us. There was only one choice.

?I can?t,? I sighed, ?and I can?t ask you to lie for us. Give me an hour, just so Day can get some rest. We can make Richmond by midnight??

?Stop it,? he snapped, ?she can?t travel and you know it. Just let me think.?

Too many mistakes, too many things to try to account for- it had been inevitable that at some point there would be nothing I could do. I wanted to make a suggestion, but I knew it would be a mistake to say anything at that point so I just stood there, staring at the ground, waiting. He was struggling with his options, trying to find a way to protect his honor and still do right by a girl who needed his care. It occurred to me that he could easily choose to have us arrested and take Dalene to a hospital.

?Okay,? he sighed after what felt like an eternity, ?here?s where we stand. You were trying to protect your friend- I can understand that. I?m going back to town to get a few things and if I don?t run into Duke Carlyle I don?t have to lie to him. I?m gonna call a friend of mine in Metairie and see what he knows about any of this and if the police are looking for you girls you?re gonna come clean, understand??

?Yes, sir,? I whispered, nodding. He saw fear in me, and it was no act. If the police were looking for us there was a terrible choice I would have to make. I was not certain I would be able to do what I knew I would have to.

If you?re lucky you get to choose
Between those things you love,
And the things you need to lose
But Mother Nature is a Bitch
Doesn?t matter what you want it to be
You?ve got no corner on Reality
And I?m not here to tell you its okay
Because choices, they?re torture
Is it agony, or is it horror
And can we tell the difference?
Best to turn and walk away
Leave you to the life you chose
When you had no choices at all

Hobson's Choice
Hera, 1965

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Confrontation

?Angie!?

I was moving even before Aiko?s panicked shriek died in the air and the deputy was right behind me. We found Dalene stretched out on her back in the doorway to the bedroom, her head cradled in Neff?s lap as she twitched and gagged, foam drooling from the corner of her mouth.

I froze, staring at her as Neff looked up at me with terror in her eyes, Aiko standing over both of them with her hands twisted in her hair and tears streaming down her face. In that moment there was nothing but paralyzing fear- had I made a mistake? I expected withdrawal, expected it to be very unpleasant, but this bad, this suddenly?

The Deputy swore a quiet oath and gently yet firmly guided me to one side as he brushed past me to kneel beside her.

?Turn her head, girl,? he said to Neff, ?don?t need her choking. Miss Angie, you dial zero on the phone there and ask for an ambulance. Tell ?em Buck Carlyle is here.?

Ambulance? Disaster. I had to stop it, had to deflect his concern, take control of this, think of something?

?She?s epileptic? falling sickness,? I heard myself saying even as the story formed in my mind, ?She doesn?t need an ambulance. Aiko, go out to the Coke machine and get a bottle- we need to stir out the bubbles so she can sip it. We need to get her onto the bed.?

I spoke with authority and the Deputy looked at me, uncertainty writ on his face.

?It?s happened before, but not in a few months. I think being sick and on the road like this? I?ll get her legs.?

The three of us lifted Dalene onto the bed, and I saw the relieved look on Neff?s face. Neither she nor Aiko had batted an eyelash when I spun my tale- lying to the police had been a given in their lives for so very long.

?I don?t know, miss?? the Deputy sighed, shaking his head.

?She?ll be fine, Deputy, honest.? I was being as earnest as I knew how, but to no avail. He could not just leave her in our care and walk away.

?Call me Buck, everybody else does. Tell you what: I?ll put a call into Doc O?Malley, have him stop by and take a look. Just to be safe.?

There was no way to talk him out of it so I smiled and said that would be very kind of him. Chances were good a town doctor would not recognize what was really happening. He waited while we got Dalene settled into bed, just making certain she really was doing better, then I walked with him to his car, trying to reassure him with my words and manner. I mostly succeeded, but he was still going to make the call, and as I returned to our room my thoughts were focused on Dalene and how to deal with the doctor.

?Why no hospital?? Neff demanded, both fear and accusation in her voice. ?We took her before- you know this. She nearly died!? She punctuated that last with a long finger jabbed against my chest.

?It?s not the same thing,? I tried to reassure her, ?that time she?d been drinking and using. This? this is because she hasn?t got anymore. We can get her through this, I promise.?

?You promise? I saw your face! I saw how scared you were!? She turned and looked into the bedroom, looking at Dalene as she lay curled on the bed, rocking gently back and forth, sobbing quietly as Aiko tried to soothe her.

?You are never scared, Angie. Nothing frightens you, but this does. Admit it.?

I nodded, after all it was true enough. ?I?m worried,? I told her, ?I?m familiar with this kind of thing, but? she?s going downhill so fast. Listen, there is a doctor coming to check on her. If he says she needs to go to a hospital, she goes, but you have to understand- it?s been three days since Jacques and the others were killed. The police will notice we disappeared; they may even be looking for us. The less attention we bring to ourselves the better.?

Her eyes narrowed and it did not require any skill to know what she was thinking.

?So you are protecting us, and not just yourself??

?I didn?t murder those people, Neff. If I had I would have told you and let you decide whether to come with me or stay in New Orleans. Would you have stayed??

?No. Dalene would follow you anywhere, and we would go with her, you know that.?

I could tell that upset her, the notion that her friend might abandon her and Aiko had I asked her to. I was not so certain that was true, but I would never have put any of them in that position. They had survived nearly three years under Jacques? brutal care by holding tightly to each other. Those are the kinds of bonds that should never be sundered.

?I would never ask her to leave you. Never.?

?Angie?? Aiko called from the bedroom. Neff and I both went in and found Dalene still curled into a ball, rocking and trembling. ?She can?t sit still, she won?t drink any of this,? she held up a small cup of flat soda, ?I?m not sure she can even hear me sometimes.?

?I hear you,? Dalene whispered between clenched teeth.

I sat on the bed beside her and laid my hand on her shoulder. She flinched, like the touch was a shock to her system, then pulled away.

?Day, baby, we need to get you out of your clothes and into something more comfortable.?

?Leave me alone,? she moaned.

?We can?t, honey. I know it?s hard, but you have to let us do this.?

It took all three of us the better part of an hour to coax her out of her clothes and get her into a set of flannel pajamas. She was extremely sensitive to being touched, she said it was like she had sunburn everywhere, but the softer material was easier for her to tolerate once we had her dressed. We even managed to get her to drink some soda and it seemed she was at least handling it better even if she did not actually feel any better.

The doctor arrived shortly after we finished. He was an older man, with the bearing of a military veteran and a south Boston accent that was wildly out of place in this small southern town. Dr. Brian O?Malley was a fifty-odd year old who got his start in medicine as a Navy medic in the Pacific campaigns of World War II, as one of the corpsmen who went ashore with the Marines into the teeth of Japanese defenders. These were things I learned later, but when he first showed up all I knew was I would have a hard time convincing him Dalene had the flu.

His face was round and a bit doughy, but he stood straight and moved with the ease and grace of a man half his age. While he was a little gruff, he was not unfriendly as he asked about what had happened. He seemed to take my explanation in stride, but I could tell he was making mental notes about certain things. I did not lie to him, not explicitly, but it was clearly hopeless and as he briefly examined Dalene I saw his demeanor go from curious, to suspicious to disappointed.

?How long has she been using? And how often??

He was checking her arms, looking for needle marks, when Neff spoke up.

?Two years, just about every day for the last year.?

?Well she?s damned good with a needle; there?s hardly any scarring. Morphine? Or is it heroin??

?Heroin,? I replied. ?She ran out this morning??

Dalene jerked her arm away and curled up around herself in the center of the bed, moaning quietly while Dr. O?Malley turned his gaze first on me, then on Neff and Aiko.

?Prostitutes?? He spoke it as a question, but did not wait for an answer, instead motioning Aiko to take a seat on the bed. She looked at me and I nodded.

?Not anymore,? I told him, but he ignored me as he started examining Aiko.

He did not speak again except to give instructions as he gave each of us a very thorough physical. Dr. O?Malley was meticulous, and polite, but it was clear he was very angry about the situation in general, and with me in particular and when he finished cleaning up he pointed at me then at the door.

?Just so I can be sure- she?s not epileptic.? His pale grey eyes were very hard as he tried to stare me down, but I held my ground.

?No, she?s not. I couldn?t let Deputy Carlyle call an ambulance and it was the first thing I could think of.?

?Tell me everything- what you?ve been up to, how you got here. Don?t leave anything out.?

We were standing in front of the hotel room and I wanted to move off from the building for more privacy, but he refused to move, so I told him most of the truth about what happened three days before, leaving out my little visit to Jacques?s office and the bag full of money in the trunk of the car. He took it all in and I could see the conflict within him as he sorted through it all. In the end he reached a reluctant conclusion.

?Missy, if I tell the Sheriff all this it?s anybody?s guess if he?ll toss you in jail and call the Louisiana State Patrol, or just escort you to the county line. That black girl seems pretty steady, but that little Jap is a wreck- she starts falling apart there?ll be all sorts of crap coming down.?

?I can take care of Aiko. She?s scared, that?s all. Like I told the Deputy- once Dalene can travel we?ll be on our way.?

I was trying to turn down the intensity between us, but the doctor was seething, his face ruddy with his anger even as he kept his voice quiet and even.

?I don?t take well to liars, missy, and you?ve been spinnin? a tale almost since the moment you got here. Can you tell me why I should go back into town and lie to my best friend about what?s going on here??

I realized immediately he was talking about the Sheriff. Perhaps they were even war buddies- that might help explain a man from Southie in a small Virginia town. There was no way for me to be certain of it, but it felt right and I knew I could not ask him to lie for us. There was only one choice.

?I can?t,? I sighed, ?and I can?t ask you to lie for us. Give me an hour, just so Day can get some rest. We can make Richmond by midnight??

?Stop it,? he snapped, ?she can?t travel and you know it. Just let me think.?

Too many mistakes, too many things to try to account for- it had been inevitable that at some point there would be nothing I could do. I wanted to make a suggestion, but I knew it would be a mistake to say anything at that point so I just stood there, staring at the ground, waiting. He was struggling with his options, trying to find a way to protect his honor and still do right by a girl who needed his care. It occurred to me that he could easily choose to have us arrested and take Dalene to a hospital.

?Okay,? he sighed after what felt like an eternity, ?here?s where we stand. You were trying to protect your friend- I can understand that. I?m going back to town to get a few things and if I don?t run into Duke Carlyle I don?t have to lie to him. I?m gonna call a friend of mine in Metairie and see what he knows about any of this and if the police are looking for you girls you?re gonna come clean, understand??

?Yes, sir,? I whispered, nodding. He saw fear in me, and it was no act. If the police were looking for us there was a terrible choice I would have to make. I was not certain I would be able to do what I knew I would have to.

If you?re lucky you get to choose
Between those things you love,
And the things you need to lose
But Mother Nature is a Bitch
Doesn?t matter what you want it to be
You?ve got no corner on Reality
And I?m not here to tell you its okay
Because choices, they?re torture
Is it agony, or is it horror
And can we tell the difference?
Best to turn and walk away
Leave you to the life you chose
When you had no choices at all

Hobson's Choice
Hera, 1965

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Filed in 1963 to 19671963 to 1967 | Comments (0)

Crisis

We were three days on the road when Dalene began digging through her bag, her face a study in quiet desperation as she pawed through her few belongings searching for something she knew she would not find. Aiko was driving with Neff beside her. Dalene and I were in the back seat.

?When did you run out?? I asked her.

Her gaze settled on me, her eyes a curious mixture of fear and resignation. ?This morning,? she said. ?I?ve been trying to stretch it out, but?? She sat back, her head lolling to one side as she stared out the window. ?I?ll be ok.?

?No, you won?t.? I tapped Aiko on the shoulder, ?We need to find a motel. We?re stopping for a few days.?

And so we landed in small town in Virginia. Our hotel room left some to be desired, but was still an immense improvement over the one-room apartment we had shared in New Orleans. It had a separate kitchen and a bedroom and was located at the end of the unit so we had only one room adjacent, and that was empty for the moment. We paid for a five day stay, though I planned on leaving as soon as possible- I still worried Ham?s car would be found too soon, that somebody might remember us coming through that town in Mississippi. Everything I knew demanded we stay on the move, but we had run out of time.

I watched her as we settled in, trying to gauge how bad it might be. I had seen opiate addicts shake free from the drug?s grip in a few days with little more discomfort than one suffered during a bad cold. I had also seen them die after days of agony and delusion. I had little idea what to expect in this case- would the way she injected the drug make it worse? Was heroin more addictive than the laudanum of the previous century, or less so? We were in the wrong place to do this, but there was no choice. In the hours since we stopped Dalene had become increasingly agitated, pacing around the motel room, unable to sit for more than a few minutes at a time- it had been little more than six hours since her last dose. I reached out and touched her lightly on her arm, making her jump.

?Let?s take a walk?? I suggested. She just nodded at me and we headed outside with Neff and Aiko?s eyes trailing after us.

The motel rested by the side of what used to be a main road until the highway came through. Now it was slowly mouldering, as were other roadside attractions along the way. We walked in the afternoon heat, Dalene?s pace quickening with every step until I nearly broke into a trot to keep up with her long-legged stride. I said nothing, letting her attempt to burn out the nervous energy racing through her body, putting first one, then two miles behind us without slacking before she began to falter.

She was sweating profusely, tears streaming down her ashen face as she slowed, then stopped, trembling from head to toe. We were standing in front of a Dairy Queen so I gently led her to one of the picnic tables under the trees.

?I can?t do this,? she whispered, ?Angie? I can?t, I can?t?? She started to cry in earnest now, her shoulders shaking as she buried her head in her hands. I stroked her head and she was burning up despite all the sweat.

?You need something cold to drink, baby. Can you wait here while I get you something? Can you do that??

She did not answer so I slid one finger along her cheek to her jaw and coaxed her head up until her red rimmed eyes were on me. ?Can you wait here just a minute while I get you something to drink??

?A Mr. Misty?? She almost whispered it, like a child pleading for a treat.

?Sure, baby,? I smiled at her, ?just sit tight, okay??

She nodded at me, then dropper her eyes. I watched her a moment, then decided she really would be okay and walked over to the window, getting in line behind a family that had pulled in while Dalene and I were talking. I could not help but notice the attention we were drawing to ourselves, two young women, strangers in this town, one of us in obvious distress. I ignored them, keeping a furtive eye on Dalene until it was my turn to order.

I paid for two cherry Mr. Misty?s and a cup of ice water, then turned and froze. A Sherriff?s car had pulled into the parking lot and stopped next to our picnic table, a young man in uniform was standing beside Dalene. I steeled myself, then put on my best concerned face and walked briskly to the table.

?Now Miss,? the Deputy was saying, ?you really need to help me here. I need to know your name.? He radiated a mixture of suspicion and genuine concern. Dalene had deteriorated even further with the added stress of his questioning, but he had only just arrived. There was still a chance to avoid any problems.

?Day, cher, you need to drink this,? I told her, putting the French lilt in my voice, letting it shake a little as I pressed the cup of ice water into her hands, then looked up at the deputy.

So much conflict there was within him. He was young, perhaps twenty-two, and very much a son of Virginia. Part of him was moved to chivalry- confronted by this wounded dove his instinct was to do everything in his power to succor her. Part of him was driven by Southern chauvinism- here were two young women, apparently alone, obviously not from the south, all of this leading him to suspect it would be best to simply round us up and send us across the county line before we caused any mischief. It was a tribute to his humanity that the ingrained suspicion was being held in check, but it was still no certain thing.

?We stopped at the motel down the road, the Shade Tree, we had to. Day didn?t feel well this morning? and she got worse through the day. We thought getting out of the car, some fresh air??

Dalene coughed, choking as she drained the cup of ice water, her body shaking as she gasped for air between the spasms in her chest. Both of us looked at her and when she turned her face to me her eyes were bright red, tears streaming down her cheeks.

?I don?t think I can walk back,? she whispered.

I could not have scripted it better- she was so helpless, so scared. The deputy?s body language shifted drastically and when I looked into his eyes I did not even have to ask.

?Don?t you worry miss; I?ll take you ladies back to the motel.?

His name was Jefferson Carlyle and he treated Dalene as if she were made of spun sugar and moonbeams. He was still unsure of me, but I radiated so much gratitude his suspicion simply crumbled in the face of it. He did not approve of our accommodations as the Shade Tree served mostly blacks, but when we arrived at the motel Aiko and Neff bolted to the door as I helped Dalene out of the back of his car and suddenly it made sense to him.

I spoke up before either of them could say I word, telling them to get Dalene into bed. Things were under control and we could not risk reigniting Deputy Carlyle?s suspicions. The three of them were only three days off the streets and there was simply no expecting them to behave with discretion, but they all seemed to know to leave the talking to me and it seemed everything was going to work out.

?You never told me your name,? Deputy Carlyle said, breaking into an almost sheepish grin.

?Angevin, Angevin du Marmande. I can?t thank you enough for your kindness.? I took a half step closer to him, looking up to his eyes without being too bold. It was an understated invitation, merely a suggestion that should he want to meet again I might say yes? and a scream shattered the spell.

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A Sudden Change of Plans

I seldom attempt anything drastic without having a sense of certainty regarding the outcome. I require no guarantees, but there must be some logical expectation of success. Unfortunately I set out that morning without such expectations, instead simply counting on Jacques?s greed or, failing that, being prepared to use force- the latter option not being looked upon with any favor whatsoever. I would have taken more time to plan, but events were moving so quickly there was no other choice. If we simply ran, Jacques would send people after us. I had the resources to make it easier, but I knew that would bring everything crashing down: we were the four of us against the world and that was the only strength holding Dalene together and through her, Neff and Aiko as well. Even this plan, assuming I could see it through successfully, was fraught with potential for disaster

The morning air was thick, the temperature passing the eighty degree mark even though it was barely seven o?clock. If there was sweat upon my brow it was as much from nerves as from the heat. The heavy overnight bag pulled at my shoulder as I made my way to the hotel to meet with Jacques, but the pistol taped to my back was the heaviest weight to bear. Those few people out and about paid me little attention as I was dressed like a tourist rather than a whore. I passed people who knew me and they never looked up, a symptom of the human predilection for placing people into categories: I could not be Angie because I did not look like a whore and Angie was a whore. A predictably flawed bit of logic, but it relieves one of the need to think about what one sees, and it served my purpose that day.

I reached the hotel and paused at the steps. There was no doorman. In the fourteen months I had spent here I had never once seen the door unguarded. I stood for nearly a minute waiting for somebody to appear, but it became an uncomfortably long time and I had to either go inside or move on. I climbed the steps and entered the lobby only to find another oddity: there was nobody at the desk. Jacques?s mother always watched the desk Sunday mornings since there was little business going on. Jacques liked to believe she knew nothing of what he did, but in truth her sweet, grandmotherly exterior was home to the heart of a toad and soul of a crocodile.

I peered over the desk and found the small chair tossed on its side, but nothing else seemed amiss. Still, there were too many things out of place and I reached back under my blouse to peel the heavy snub-nosed revolver from my lower back. I wadded up the duct tape that had secured it and stuffed that in my pocket, then held the revolver low as I carefully made my way back to Jacques?s office. The entire building was eerily quiet and when I turned the corner I saw the door to the office was ajar. I set the overnight bag down against the wall and stepped quietly to the door, listening for a moment before pushing it open with my toe. I took in the scene with a single glance, then turned and took up the bag, heading for the front door. At the front desk I scooped up Ham?s car keys from the ashtray where he always left them, then went out the door, crossed the street and dashed down the alley to the parking lot.

The Falcon convertible started with a simple twist of the key and the temperature gauge showed it was still quiet warm- it could not have been parked more than fifteen or twenty minutes. I pulled out of the lot and headed north, away from our flat, then stopped at a gas station to put the top down. Next I turned towards the canal, crossing at the first bridge with no traffic, and the gun went over the rail and into the brown water. After that I followed a circuitous route back to our flat, parking in the alley behind the building.

?Get up!? I hissed at Aiko when she opened a blurry eye to see who had walked in.

She shook her head and sat up as I went to the couch and nudged Dalene hard. She lashed out at me and I grabbed her wrist, pulling her off the couch where she landed on Neff who was only just stirring.

?Damn, Angie!? Aiko moaned, ?What time is it??

?It?s early, get up. We need to get out of here right now.? Dalene started to say something and I stamped my foot emphatically. ?No questions! Get moving- we?re leaving in ten minutes.?

?What?s wrong?? Dalene finally asked as she struggled into a pair of hot pants.

?Jacques is dead. So?s Ham, Gillie and Aggie, maybe more.?

All three of them froze, staring at me.

?Oh my God, will you three just move!?

It was more like twenty minutes before I could get them out to the car even though we left almost everything behind. Each had a change of clothes and we?d brought two guitars since most of our instruments were junk. When we reached the alley and they realized I had Ham?s car all of the doubt left them because Ham never let anyone drive his car, ever.

?Where are we going? Why are we going?? Dalene asked as we left Metairie on the Causeway, striking out across the lake.

?Right now we just want to get out of Louisiana and lose this car, then I was thinking New York City. Why? I?d think that?s obvious.?

I described for them the scene at the hotel- Gillie and Ham face down with their hands tied behind their backs, each with a bloody hole on the back of the head. Jacques slumped over his desk and from the amount of blood it looked like his throat had been cut. His mother had been sitting on the couch against the wall, looking like she was simply napping except for the small red hole in her forehead. It was clearly not a simple robbery- somebody was moving in and taking over and that somebody was pretty ruthless.

?I?m not sure I like New York,? Dalene said, and I could read her mind just by looking at her face: too close to home.

?Me, either,? Neff shouted from the back seat, ?You think New Orleans is bad, wait?ll you?re on the street in the Big Apple.?

?We aren?t going to be on the streets in New York!? I laughed, suddenly feeling the tension and uncertainty drain away. ?Look in the bag on the floor back there.?

Aiko reached down and unzipped the overnight bag, then almost screamed at what she saw.

?Where did you get this?? she shouted, almost laughing herself as she held up a bundle of twenty-dollar bills.

?I knew where the key to the locked box was hidden, so I cleaned it out,? I lied. Dalene looked at me with a mixture of awe and suspicion, but said nothing.

?How much?? Neff asked, and I told her I had no idea, but that was also a lie.

The bag contained two hundred thousand dollars in twenties, fifties and hundreds, Jacques?s price for our freedom. I still wonder to this day what his reaction would have been had he lived to receive it. That it became our lifeline over the next three years seems nearly karmic.

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